Saturday, February 6, 2010
I never meant to hurt Wei. Although, I do believe he is resilient and probably hasn’t considered me much more after I left. Someone told me that the Chinese are overly romantic, equally as melodramatic, and will always be out for a Tsing Tsao beer or ten after a breakup. So, he through a fuss about me leaving a day early, pissed and moaned about me to his roommate that night, and was probably back at the bar slamming drinks to be completely erase the visit. The morning is fresh and without me in the room, he can recalibrate himself, aligning his thoughts and focus to yet again another exciting week at the office. On the plane this afternoon I decided to quit racking my brain about sex and morals…. I didn’t commit fidelity by cheating on my conscious or anything by sleeping with him. I did, however, pretend to enjoy kissing him in public, when that was the exact opposite thing I wanted to be doing. I suppose this is what women tend to do when they use their sexuality to get to where they’re going. From this experience, the only thing I vow to myself is that I will never again allow myself to get so irritated and continue to pretend, resulting in a relationship that I perceive as a mode of personal gain. I know it may not seem like the biggest deal in the world, but damn do I feel like a conceiving dog! Next time, I will just leave. And stay true to myself.